Sunday, October 3, 2010

...since sometime last thursday...

Last Thursdayism is something similar to last Wednesdayism, but differs in that it's the only one and true religion.
It dictates that the world was created sometime last Thursday by Queen Maeve the cat, but it was made so it pushes you into thinking everything was here long ago.
Queen Maeve has implanted memories of past experiences in our heads to test our faith, just as the supposed God guy, that is supposedly supposed to have been here forever.
What makes me think this is all true you ask?
I will tell you. First of all, the universe clearly has intelligent design. I mean it is perfect. Things coexist perfectly with one another and changing just one number of any phsysical law may end the universe quickly. This means the numbers were tuned to each other by something intelligent and that clearly fits the description of Queen Maeve
Second, we were clearly designed to be the feline's slaves. WAKE UP, PEOPLE! Why else would we take their constant butt-in-face shoving, early-morning-without-reason-waking, shoe-peeing abuse!? It is all in front of us, you can not deny it.I've even got a third reason to believe.
The cat I was created by and I worship is truly existent and I can easily prove it, while the pop-religion, the most hip one and this millennium's favorite Christianity can not prove the existence of that supposed God guy.
Oh, but this is tragic news, you say? Don't worry - you don't necessarily need to slay your dog or get depressed by the hopelessness of this situation. Queen Maeve is actually a pretty loving cat, that created us to be her slaves, because felines needed aid after the apocalypse (They used to live on mars, but then the big flood happened and Queen Maeve escaped on earth with their pyramids), but that doesn't mean our life has no meaning, as she really cares for us. We have the possibility to go to the Paradise Next Thursday and all we have to do is be nice to cats often or become a slave to one (often mispronounced "Owning a cat"). Those who enter the paradise become cats, while the rest go to the Eternal Litterbox, which is never cleaned...
So now that we've cleared it up - QUICKLY!!! Go and tell yo' kids, tell yo' husband, 'cause they be preaching wrong to everybody out there.

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